i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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