Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
