I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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