Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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