i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
