i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
