I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
