I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
