I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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