she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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