Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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