So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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