I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
