What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
