My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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