Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
