I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
