Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
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I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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