I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
