Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She even gives head with a lisp.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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