At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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