Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
