I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
