My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
