Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
