at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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