I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
