Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
