I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
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My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
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Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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