So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
