what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize