Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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