I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
