i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize