I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
