What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I need to stop coming to work sober
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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