YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
