if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
