Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize