Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
