Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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