If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
