My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
