smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
