it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
