He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
