I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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