i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
