Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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