Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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