im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
