why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
