I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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