I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
