So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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