Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
