You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
