he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
