my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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