she was so not down for the gang bang
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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