Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
