I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
