it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
