Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
