When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
