Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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