$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
