Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
