My first STD was from a foam party
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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