Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
