I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
