i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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