ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
